Looking past on this last month of my trip I wanted to take some time to reflect. People weren’t joking when they said this time would move quickly and so far I have learned so much about myself and this whole experience as a whole. Our team is very unique, we are like the guinea pigs of this whole “journey school” program. It has definitely not been easy, but that’s something I knew I was walking into. I think it takes a very select group of people to go do something like this and this type of trip isn’t for everyone. We walked the Camino de Santiago while also being discipled, doing ministry, and also learning. Looking back I don’t know if this was good for me or not. It definitely stretched me, but if a person was looking to be very intentionally discipled while also being given the space to learn and focus on their academics I think this trip wouldn’t fill their needs. I wish I was able to fully be present in one or the other, but instead I felt like I was doing everything halfheartedly.
I think for what we had, the Camino went well, if I am honest I didn’t think it would go well and I was worried for my team as a whole going into this. During training camp it felt like we were spoon fed a lot and there were so many spiritual highs and lows, which just isn’t sustainable in real life. I also felt like my team was a little divided and that is a difficult place to be in especially when you have to live together and do ministry together for 3 months. On top of this, the Camino de Santiago was going to be a lot more challenging than us going and doing ministry somewhere that the World Race partners with all the time, with trusted hosts, open ministry opportunities, and a clearer plan. So going into this I truly thought we would all fall apart. I guess God truly did sustain us and strengthen each of us individually but also as a team together. We started every morning on the Camino in the dark at 6:30 and did listening prayer and partner prayer for an hour, around 8:30 we stopped for coffee and breakfast wherever we could. Usually we would get into our Hostel around 1:00-2:00 and by that time we had to settle in, find groceries for food, and then do class work for three hours. The mornings for me were the best parts on the Camino, I loved walking and talking with God and my teammates, while also meeting those on the trail with us and ministering to them. I was always a little bit of a mess once we got to the Alburgue because I really wanted to focus on my school and do it well, but I always got distracted or so overwhelmed so my classes didn’t seem like a priority. However I somehow made it work, but it wasn’t a very convenient or healthy school environment for me. I was also hospitality along with my teammates Eva so we were in charge of the grocery shopping and cooking for the team for all of the Camino. Every place we stopped on the Camino was very different and we never knew what our cooking situation or grocery situation would look like and also we are still a bunch of broke missionaries on budget so everything cost us more than we would like. Usually I had to push my school to the side in order to serve my team well, but I love doing that and sometimes cooking was more of a helpful distraction that forced me to be present.
It truly is a privilege to be apart of this team on this trip, even if it has been difficult. It’s a privilege to learn, its a privilege to fail, and it’s a privilege to start over and do it all again. I think we all take ourselves a little to seriously, we have our whole lives to learn, and sometimes there truly is no destination. I get to have relationship with the God of the universe, I get to laugh until I cry with some of the most genuine people with the kindest hearts. I got to meet some of the most incredible people, all intentionally created by a good God. I walked and fully soaked in all that was around me, like the cold air on my face, and the early morning sun peaking through and illuminating the vibrant colors of every scenery you could imagine, from farm lands to mountains. I also got to do all of this while serving those around me with open arms, and while also working towards my own goals and passions.
I think it takes an open heart and opens arms to allow God to use every day and every moment well. I had to fully surrender my expectations and allow those around me to fail every single day. So if you want to do the Camino, don’t take yourself so seriously. If you want to be discipled, do academics, do missions, and hike 250 miles just know that you may fail over and over again, but it may be worth it.
This is a beautifully raw and real post. Thank you. Learning to fail and still know that you are deeply loved and valued and that people are still glad to be with you is a precious gift. Thanks for sharing your journey.
You did it! You hiked, you served, you connected, you learned, you got sick, you got better, you grew as a team. Did you fail? Well, I never saw you fail. I only ever saw you and your teammates showing up. And you gave me hope for your generation. I saw resilience that I don’t normally see in your peers. How do we acquire resilience? By going through hard stuff and not quitting.
“Our gift to the world is to compost our hurts and suffering and give rise to wildflowers bedazzling the mountains of our grief and pain.” – Fred Herron